JANINE: James, don’t you love our new treadmill?
JAMES: (pant, pant) Yeah, I guess so. Although “love” might be a bit too strong a word for it.
JANINE: Better than running outside in the ice and snow though.
JAMES: Yes, no doubt.
JANINE: Who ever thought that we would be able to work out together?
JAMES: Remember when we were dating and I actually came out with you on a few runs?
JANINE: This article sounds boring. It’s stupid and contrived. I would never say, ‘don’t you love our new treadmill’ like that.
JAMES: I thought a simulated conversation between us would be a nice, creative way to write an article about how we can workout together, now that we have this fancy setup. Come on, play along with me.
JANINE: I can’t find the picture of us working out together. Did Zara delete it?!
JAMES: Hey, come on, talk like you’re on the bike.
JANINE: Ok, here’s the picture. Oh, there’s a few good ones. Let’s put more than one picture in. Let’s do a gallery.
JAMES: Then I guess I’ll roleplay for the both of us. (Pant, pant!) This running is hard work!
JANINE: I like it when you just write the article. Or when I just write the article. You can do the whole thing. Talk about our intervals.
JAMES: What’s that you say over on your bike there? You’re picking up where you left off earlier? You’re happy that we can work out together like this?
JANINE: Yes, James, my dear husband. This is great.
JAMES: I think I’m working harder than you. I’m sweating more anyway.
JANINE: Then I guess I should speed up. (Speeds up effortlessly.)
JAMES: How on earth are you so good at this exercise thing? I feel like I’m dying!
JANINE: Let’s take it up a notch: let’s do some intervals. 1 minute hard, 1 minute easy.
JAMES: How do you do that? What is this interval thing?
JANINE: Well, you run fast for 60 seconds, then you run at a slower pace for 60 seconds. Meanwhile I’ll bike fast for 60 seconds, then go a bit slower for 60 seconds.
JAMES: Ok, when do we start?
JANINE: You have a digital time readout on the treadmill, you count us down to our first 60 seconds fast.
JAMES: All right, 3 – 2 – 1 – Go!
(Both pant for 60 seconds)
JAMES: 10 seconds until we can (pant, pant) slow down… 3 – 2 – 1 – slow.
JANINE: Nice work! Wasn’t that great!
JAMES: Great. Yes. Actually it was pretty good. Wait, are the 60 slow seconds almost up already?
JANINE: Yep, ready to go again?
JAMES: I guess so… 3 – 2 – 1 – Go!
(Both work hard for 60 seconds)
JAMES: 3 – 2 – 1 – slow. Phew. That actually felt good.
JANINE: Nice work. Now we just have to do this 12 more times.
JANINE: You can do it! I believe in you!
JANINE: James? Are you okay?
JAMES: Guess I can’t cheat with you right here beside me. Ok, I’m ready. Bring it on! 3 – 2 – 1 – GO!
And so, our two heroes, James and Janine, worked out happily, side by side. Because they are smart like that, they were able to meet their fitness goals and work on their relationship all in one go.
JANINE: You should also mention that you got up to 6.8 – the fastest you ever went. But I sound like a b@#$ when I say all that stuff at the beginning of the article. Take it all out! James, please take that part out.
And so, James wrote an article about the experience. And he even managed to tease his wife in it a bit. He had to, because she posted all those pictures of them in which he looked awfully scruffy and fat.