Look at this face. LOOK AT IT! That is the face of a Run Keeper.
He’s got the dark glasses that say, I don’t want you to see my eyes because they are so intense behind these glasses.
He’s got the wiry facial hair. No use keeping it only for Movember: this man keeps that facial hair all year round. He’s just that manly.
And are those patches of snow in the background? Yes. Yes they are, but they don’t keep Mr. RunKeeper from his run. No they don’t. He runs anyway.
He even takes a picture of himself using his running app, appropriately named ‘RunKeeper‘, designed for keepers of runs. Boy, this guy sure is a keeper of runs. If he’s got a date with a run, he keeps it.
So he uses the RunKeeper app on his phone to take a picture of himself. Has he put some fancy instagram-style filter on this photo to hide the fact that it was too low-res for this blog? Maybe. But maybe he’s so badass, his pictures just come out pre-filtered. Or maybe he just put the filter on. Probably that one. But in any case it sure does make him look cool.
Anyway, the guy took a picture of himself running. Well, actually he stopped for a second to take the picture because it’s hard to take a selfie while you’re running. It gets blurry. So he stopped first. And then took the picture with his RunKeeper App, which conveniently attached the picture to the run, so he can go back and admire how badass he looks in all of his running pictures. So he always takes the pictures at the beginning, because it’s hard to look badass when you’re wheezing and collapsing, which he often is at the end of a run.
He can also use the RunKeeper app to see his pace along the way. Like, he can see how his pace dropped significantly in minute 5 when he got an email from a client and felt compelled to read it instead of just taking the 20 minutes to run without distractions. But after that dip in his pace, he can see that he held a pretty consistent speed.
It also shows him his route with a convenient little map. This is especially helpful when he is somewhere else, like Ottawa, and goes out for a run, and can’t quite remember how to get back, because he can see his route and just follow the orange line. But this guy wouldn’t need to do that – no. He’s not the kind of guy who would start running and lose his way. That kind of guy would be called a RunLoser. No, he’s a RunKeeper.
And while he runs, his RunKeeper app talks to him in a calm but firm feminine voice: “Ten Minutes,” she’ll say, if he wants her to call out the time in five minute intervals. And if he has to stop to check that email, and he pauses his run, she’ll say, “Workout Paused.” And he can’t help but hear the disapproving tone in her voice. And he thinks, who is she to judge me? She’s just sitting in some recording booth, says things patronizingly into her microphone, while I’m the one out here running in the snow.
And then he thinks, stop being silly, and he gets on with his run, until he staggers home, and she says, “Workout Complete!”, and he can tell that she’s just a little proud of him, even though he only ran 2.63km, at least he did it without a break.
And then the RunKeeper app gives him an award for his hard work, and he’s proud of himself too.