The Face of a Man who Keeps His Runs (a TRUE RunKeeper)

Posted by | December 03, 2013 | Fit by Forty | 6 Comments
runkeeper man

Look at this face. LOOK AT IT! That is the face of a Run Keeper.

He’s got the dark glasses that say, I don’t want you to see my eyes because they are so intense behind these glasses.

He’s got the wiry facial hair. No use keeping it only for Movember: this man keeps that facial hair all year round. He’s just that manly.

And are those patches of snow in the background? Yes. Yes they are, but they don’t keep Mr. RunKeeper from his run. No they don’t. He runs anyway.

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He even takes a picture of himself using his running app, appropriately named ‘RunKeeper‘, designed for keepers of runs. Boy, this guy sure is a keeper of runs. If he’s got a date with a run, he keeps it.

So he uses the RunKeeper app on his phone to take a picture of himself. Has he put some fancy instagram-style filter on this photo to hide the fact that it was too low-res for this blog? Maybe. But maybe he’s so badass, his pictures just come out pre-filtered. Or maybe he just put the filter on. Probably that one. But in any case it sure does make him look cool.

Anyway, the guy took a picture of himself running. Well, actually he stopped for a second to take the picture because it’s hard to take a selfie while you’re running. It gets blurry. So he stopped first. And then took the picture with his RunKeeper App, which conveniently attached the picture to the run, so he can go back and admire how badass he looks in all of his running pictures. So he always takes the pictures at the beginning, because it’s hard to look badass when you’re wheezing and collapsing, which he often is at the end of a run.

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He can also use the RunKeeper app to see his pace along the way. Like, he can see how his pace dropped significantly in minute 5 when he got an email from a client and felt compelled to read it instead of just taking the 20 minutes to run without distractions. But after that dip in his pace, he can see that he held a pretty consistent speed.

It also shows him his route with a convenient little map. This is especially helpful when he is somewhere else, like Ottawa, and goes out for a run, and can’t quite remember how to get back, because he can see his route and just follow the orange line. But this guy wouldn’t need to do that – no. He’s not the kind of guy who would start running and lose his way. That kind of guy would be called a RunLoser. No, he’s a RunKeeper.

And while he runs, his RunKeeper app talks to him in a calm but firm feminine voice: “Ten Minutes,” she’ll say, if he wants her to call out the time in five minute intervals. And if he has to stop to check that email, and he pauses his run, she’ll say, “Workout Paused.” And he can’t help but hear the disapproving tone in her voice. And he thinks, who is she to judge me? She’s just sitting in some recording booth, says things patronizingly into her microphone, while I’m the one out here running in the snow.

And then he thinks, stop being silly, and he gets on with his run, until he staggers home, and she says, “Workout Complete!”, and he can tell that she’s just a little proud of him, even though he only ran 2.63km, at least he did it without a break.

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And then the RunKeeper app gives him an award for his hard work, and he’s proud of himself too.

James Moffett

About James Moffett

I'm married to Janine and constantly amazed at her energy and enthusiasm, not only as it relates to her running! This year I've started to run again (after a long hiatus) as I pursue a personal goal to get "Fit by Forty". I'm a web designer by day and I'm the guy who makes this site work, and the guy to blame when it isn't working. I'm especially excited that Janine and I have been able to combine our interests (running and web design) for this site!

6 Comments

  • Rick says:

    Thanks for the laugh!
    That made my evening complete…you sure you’re not Jerry Sienfeld? You know…you should just like him…in print or maybe it’s just the way I read it? No…you definitely sounded like Jerry.

    Keep the runs consistent….just don’t get the runs…I heard its hard to run when you get the runs…

    One last thought…a before the run photo should be followed by a post run photo…I’d like the before and after thing. It tells the entire storey.

    Oh…one more comment…I think I’ll stick to cycling…the apps are way better!

    • James Moffett James Moffett says:

      Thanks, Rick! I’ve thought of cycling more seriously, but then I’d have to get a pair of cycling shorts. I don’t think anyone wants to see me in cycling shorts. So I keep running, for the good of the neighborhood.

  • Dave Smith says:

    Registration for the Valentine’s 5 km will be out soon. Looking forward to your entry form. Chili, pizza and beer at the finish. Can’t think of a better goal ! Detail’s will be out soon on the St. Catharines Roadrunners web site.

  • Dara says:

    Good job James!! Keep it up!
    I started training for a half marathon when it was winter (wet mostly, not snow!). You will be amazed by the energy you too will have!
    Dara

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